A couple like others
Overlooking Öresund, just on the waterfront of Ängelholm, there is a wooden house, nicely renovated by its owners. On this particular day there is a birthday party going on. With home made gingerbread cookies and lemonade or coffee for the guests. The sun is shining through the birches and in the garden balloons and toys are spread all over in a nice mess.
This scene could in a book on how happy Swedish families live. By the looks of Magdalena and Anders it is impossible to imagine what they have gone through to reach to this moment.
Magdalena tells us
"We were a couple reaching this point in life where both of us really wanted to be a family. Now was the time for us to have babies like everybody else. It didn't turn out that way.
After I stopped with contraceptives, a year went by before I decided to pay a visit to my gynaecologist for a check up why I didn't become pregnant. I got the information that I had endometriosis. I didn't know anything about that until now!
From this moment it was like a merry-go-round composed of investigations, waiting, operations and more waiting. The doctors tried to remove all the endometriosis to restore the function of my tubes and ovaries. It didn't help. Another year went by without any pregnancy.
Repeated turnabouts
After repeated turnabouts in the public health care, Anders and Magdalena realised that they couldn't expect any more help there.
– The doctors gave me about 5% chance to become pregnant, says Magdalena. It was at this stage we decided to call IVF Öresund, which we had been in contact with previously. We were admitted right away. In spite of me being terribly afraid, we gave it a try. It was 1993.
It really felt like it was now or never. We didn't want to give up hope."
Anders
– (Anders fills in) "I don't think that anyone who hasn't been through this really can imagine what pressure it puts on two people that really want to become pregnant. And the impact it has on a personal level."
– "I'm talking about the type of stress this puts on a relationship. You are awake at night, discussing and discussing. Why can't we become just as any couple? Maybe we are not meant to be parents? Maybe we do not fit together? These are the thoughts that circulate in your mind."
Some parts of the treatment were very tough and still I did not become pregnant. We continued though and after the third attempt the pregnancy test was positive at last! We started to make up a list of everyone we were going to phone and tell the happy news. From now on it wasn't the others and we.
But at the 8th week it ended. In the middle of the night I woke up with severe pain in my abdomen, Magdalena tells us. We got in touch with the clinic and an ultrasound examination was done. On the screen we could see a small whitish shadow, but with no heart beat. I can still have that image inside my head. Then we went into an emotional vacuum. I hated all these happy people with children!
Anyhow we decided to give it yet another try. It didn't succeed. We were probably almost at the point of giving up and accepting a life without children. I remember saying to Anders: "But you are still young! You can find someone else and have a child with her." We discussed adoption, but it didn't seem like a solution at that time. On the other hand, we were not prepared to live a life without children. We decided to make one more attempt. It did not succeed. At this stage we both felt that we could not take any more. Despite of that feeling we did our 5th attempt on IVF.
"Next to me in the waiting room at IVF Öresund, sat a woman approximately five years my senior. She had her baby with her and was about to start another IVF cycle. In my mind I thought, "OK, they have succeeded with something that I will never succeed with". Then she turns to me and asks how many attempts we had done and after my reply she said, "as long as they don't say that your eggs are not fit or that your body do not respond to the treatment, I tell you don't give it up!" That was easy to say. I was 34 and had already done four IVF attempts. When they replaced my embryos I decided not to let the situation run my life. When we got home Anders opened a bottle of wine. We were going to live as usual, it didn't help anyway. A week later I started my workout again! (After the other attempts I had been on the couch with my feet up in the air, scared to death that the embryos might fall out).
Peking
Anders had a hard time getting in touch with me from China. Maybe he was too afraid to call. He was as worried as I was. When he finally arrived back home I still didn't have my period. Maybe I counted the days wrongly? The 16th day after the replacement of the embryos we called IVF Öresund and they asked us to come for a test. My first thought was "I don't dare to look at the result."
It was positive!
After this came a couple of terrifying weeks and after that a couple of equally terrifying months. I had an ultrasound scan each month. Everything was OK. At this time I decided to look at my body as if it ended by the neck! Philip was born just a couple of days before term. I still feel bubbly inside when I think about it. At that time we decided that we would never again go through this emotional inferno. Two years later the situation was different. It would be nice for Philip to have a brother or sister. We had some embryos cryopreserved...
After some problems in the 18th week of the pregnancy and a couple of critical weeks thereafter, Sofia was born on my own birthday. Our children are 5 and 2 years of age today. Of course they are the loveliest kids in the world!
It's a pity that most people do not understand what it is to be infertile and to go through treatment. Today we think it was worth every second. We ask ourselves where we would have been today if we did not get the help we have got. Our solution was IVF.
Magdalena very well remembers all the trials and tribulations throughout the years when she didn't know if she was going to have any children at all. She's putting her experience together in a book. To those who are about to give up, they have only one advice to give: "Don't give up, there is always hope. If any of my experience can help someone else, it's really worth the effort."
Magdalena looks at Philip and there is love in her eyes. Philip is sitting on the lap of his father and it's time for bed. He has complete knowledge on how it all happened when he started his life, "With a little help from the doctor", as he expresses it himself.
